Breastfeeding often feels like a taboo topic outside of the parent community. The time and energy mothers devote to nursing, as well as the joys and hardships associated with it, are rarely—if ever—acknowledged. But we’re hoping to change that, one story at a time.
In honor of breastfeeding mothers around the world, our Raw Milk series shares real stories and experiences from our community. Here, Nicole Gonzalez, a mother of two, shares a breastfeeding redemption story—how she got to feed her second son the way she envisioned after things didn’t go as planned with her first.
I gave birth to my first son, Rafael, in August 2021. While it was toward the end of the Covid-19 restrictions and we prepared in the best ways we could, my birth didn’t go the way I envisioned. Leading up to birth my heart rate fluctuated and Rafael wasn’t positioned optimally which ultimately led to me having an emergency C-section.
After spending five days in the hospital, we headed home where I triple-fed Rafael for two weeks and tried to manage having a low supply through lactation consultations and tongue tie revisions. After weeks of navigating stressful feeds and weight checks at the pediatrician’s office, I made the decision to exclusively pump for that first year. Though my breastfeeding experience with Rafael also didn’t go the way I had initially envisioned, I was grateful that I could still give him the milk my body was producing.
When we found out we were expecting our second son last August, I knew I needed everything to be different for the sake of my own mental and emotional health. I threw myself into VBAC prep and changed everything from my diet to my exercise routine. I attended prenatal yoga, completed a mindfulness birth preparation course, practiced daily affirmations, and educated myself on breastfeeding even more. It worked!
Our second little boy, Tomás, was born on May 3. I went into labor at 5 am and he came via VBAC nearly 12 hours later. The birth was everything I hoped for—complete with a golden hour, delayed vitals, and cord clamping. And unlike my first son, Tomás latched right away! Although he had a tongue tie like Rafael, I was able to get the resources I needed for a tongue tie revision. This time during doctor’s visits I requested them to wait and let my milk come in before they started worrying about his weight, too. The one unforeseen obstacle we did endure was realizing he had a dairy intolerance, so I ended up cutting dairy out of my diet to aid in his comfort.
I’m now approaching almost five full months of breastfeeding Tomás and I’m so proud. My husband’s support has been foundational to our journey, and I rely on him daily for encouragement and motivation. Without his love, care, and interest, I wouldn’t have felt successful in my feeding journey.
Now that I’m back to work as a teacher from maternity leave, I pump during the week in addition to nursing. The pride I feel collecting my milk to bring home to my Tomás is something I’ll never take for granted.
Having two babies with challenging feeding experiences has taught me so many beautiful lessons. It’s taught me to pause and breathe when things seem unbearable. It’s taught me perseverance despite swearing I was going to quit a million times. And it’s also taught me that women can truly do it all when they know what’s best for their baby.
To any new mom wanting this or anything else for their baby, I say, trust yourself. And when others compliment you for the ways you’re caring for your baby, accept it and really soak it in. Because hearing things like, “Wow! a busy working mom who is pumping” and “You are giving him such a gift” were the kinds of words that gave me strength to keep going.
