A good group of girlfriends is the antidote to just about everything—the highs and lows of motherhood included. And though it’s great to have mom friends who are in the trenches with you, it’s equally important to have non-mom friends in your support crew too. Still, when motherhood feels all-consuming, it can be difficult to stay connected with friends who are in a different season of life than you are. Here, we’re sharing a few tips for nourishing relationships with kid-free friends.
Be okay with them not getting it.
Motherhood is one of those things you can’t fully understand until you experience it yourself (think about how much your own perspective changed after becoming a mom). But just because your friend isn’t a mom doesn’t mean she can’t or doesn’t want to support you. Let go of the expectation that she’ll fully understand all of motherhood’s highs and lows and give her space to share her unique (and non-sleep deprived!) perspective. Or, consider taking a break from diaper talk and connecting with your friend on a level that speaks to a different part of who you are.
Make an effort to stay connected.
While you might be hoping that your friends will be the ones to reach out, the fact is that they might be thinking the same thing. With a schedule filled with feedings and naps and other mom-duties-as-assigned, your friends without kids might assume you have too much going on or that they’re bothering you. And honestly, that might be true! Even so, send a quick text or audio message to let her know you’re thinking about her. Or if you feel like you’ve got the bandwidth, reach out to get some BFF time on the books.
Host at home.
A beautiful thing about kid-free friends? They don’t have to coordinate their schedule around sleeping and feedings, which means those are ideal times to spend time together. Invite your child-free friends to come over and hang on the couch after bedtime or while baby naps. If baby happens to wake up, it’s way less stressful than if you’re out and about and need to go home. Plus, your friend will probably be thrilled to sneak in some squishy snuggles.
Invite them to come along with you.
Kid-free friends are the best to run errands with. They’re undistracted, offer two extra hands for doing all the things, and recharge your social battery all at the same time. Next time you’re thinking about braving Target alone with your littles, ask a friend to tag along. More likely than not, she’ll be glad for an excuse to roam the aisles with you. Or, ask her to tag along during your designated mama-time! Invite her to join you for a mani/pedi or a yoga class. You can still check boxes while getting quality time together!
Find the balance between planning ahead and being flexible.
Let’s face it, motherhood and spontaneity just don’t go together. When leaving the house for even the smallest outing requires packing a diaper bag, a feeding session, and loading the car, getting out the door in under 30 minutes is an Olympics-worthy feat. Last-minute outings aren’t always feasible, and that’s okay! Communicate with kid-free friends that unless they’re coming over to your place or tagging along for something on your agenda, activities together will need to be planned in advance.
Explore your identity outside of motherhood, together.
Motherhood is a sacred and beautiful part of your identity, but it is not your entire identity. Before you were a mother, you were you. Use time with your kid-free friends to acknowledge, celebrate, and explore the parts of your identity beyond motherhood. Don your favorite sans-spit-up outfit and do something together that has nothing to do with caring for a tiny human all day—volunteer, cook a delicious meal, attend a conference, go dancing, visit your favorite thrift shop. You contain multitudes, mama!
Looking for mom friends to be part of your support crew, too? Here are some tips for meeting them.
