There’s a moment—maybe at 3 am while you rock your baby back to sleep, or during naptime while you race through your mile-long to-do list—when you feel it. The weight that exists inside you as you manage countless tasks to keep life running smoothly at home. It’s the birthday gifts remembered, the well-checks scheduled, and the snacks packed. It’s coordinating childcare, making sure the laundry soap is always stocked, and double-checking that there’s a travel bed at the vacation rental. It’s not just parenting. It’s the invisible load of motherhood.
The invisible load, defined
You’ve probably felt it, even if you haven’t been able to put words to it. The invisible load of motherhood (also known as the mental load) refers to the often unseen and unacknowledged work of running a household. It’s the physical tasks (grocery shopping, running errands, doing chores, etc.), plus the less visible—but equally taxing—internal work that’s required to manage a family. Think: the time and energy you devote to anticipating, researching, planning, organizing, and remembering.
It’s real, it’s common, and it’s valid
There’s a name for the invisible load of motherhood because—as lonely as it can often feel—it’s incredibly common. A couple may enter into a relationship feeling like they’re sharing the workload in their house equally. Then kids come along, and at some point, mom realizes she feels exhausted, overwhelmed, burnt out, or anxious. Why? Because even when physical tasks are split fairly, mothers tend to carry the majority of the cognitive load. In fact, a study of 322 mothers found that in addition to performing more physical housework, mothers report being responsible for the lion’s share (73%) of cognitive work, too. So, for example: A mother might make dinner more often than dad and she’s meal planning for the week, making the grocery list, and planning when and where she’ll do the grocery shopping. And the result of that imbalance? A whole host of negative effects including stress, fatigue, and relational strain.
So if you’re feeling like you’re doing it all—and if doing it all is leaving you burnt out and overwhelmed—you’re not alone.
So, what can we do?
Though the heaviness of the invisible load is pervasive, it doesn’t have to be permanent. The best first step you can take is just to acknowledge it and start talking about it. With your partner, with your friends, or your community. The simple act of sharing how much you’re carrying can help make the invisible visible.
Then, you can start to consider ways to share the load. Maybe it’s writing down a list of tasks (cognitive and physical) and redistributing them between you and your partner. Maybe it’s outsourcing some of those tasks to people or businesses outside your home (hire a cleaning service, use AI to help you meal plan and create grocery lists, etc.). Maybe it’s taking things off the list altogether. This is a great resource to help you get started.
A community of care + support
At Solly Baby, we believe in holding more than just babies—we hold space for the real, complex, often unseen work of being a mother. You aren’t failing when you feel the weight, and you don’t have to carry it alone. Lean on your friends, family, colleagues, even us—our online community is a reliable source of wisdom, validation, and encouragement. Knowing you’re not alone in your journey can be reassuring. (It’s not you that’s the problem!) And seeing how others are managing their loads may inspire you to make some shifts in yours.
There’s not an easy formula to follow or one-size-fits-all solution to reallocating the mental load. But naming the work you’re doing, acknowledging the time and toll it takes, and beginning a conversation is a good place to start.
