Meet Maddi Flanagan: ICU nurse, content creator, and soon-to-be first-time mom navigating pregnancy after loss following a deeply emotional journey through miscarriage, male factor infertility, and IVF. Living in Coronado, California with her husband and their two dogs, Maddi has shared much of her experience online with refreshing transparency and vulnerability.

In our conversation with her, Maddi opens up about the emotional complexity of infertility, the resilience IVF required of both her and her husband, and what it’s felt like to finally prepare for the daughter they dreamed of for so long.

You’ve shared openly about your experience with loss and infertility online. For those who may not know your story yet, could you share a little overview of your journey to motherhood?

My husband and I started trying to conceive in August 2023, and shortly after, we experienced a miscarriage in October 2023. After struggling to conceive again, we were referred to a fertility clinic in late 2024 and spent several months going through testing, appointments, and the IVF process.

We were diagnosed with male factor infertility and officially started IVF in April 2025. We did our egg retrieval in May, and while preparing for transfer, I had multiple cycles canceled due to ovarian cysts, which was emotionally really difficult after already waiting so long. Our first embryo transfer unfortunately failed, but our second transfer was successful, and I’m currently pregnant with our daughter!

Throughout the process, I shared a lot of our journey online, which ended up becoming such an unexpected source of comfort and support. Connecting with other women going through infertility, loss, and IVF made the experience feel so much less lonely, and I’m incredibly grateful for the community that surrounded us during some really hard moments!

IVF often comes with so much waiting and uncertainty. How did you cope with the emotional highs and lows of delayed timelines, canceled cycles, and setbacks along the way?

IVF comes with so much waiting, uncertainty, and loss of control, and I think that was honestly one of the hardest parts for me. I’m someone who always has a plan, who always likes to have  it all mapped out. There were so many moments where it felt like we were finally moving forward, only to hit another delay or setback. Having transfer cycles canceled after already waiting months was especially emotional because every delay felt so much bigger when you wanted something so badly.

What helped me most was trying to focus on the next step instead of the entire journey all at once. I also leaned heavily on my support systems—my husband, close friends and family, and honestly the online infertility community. Sharing pieces of my journey on social media connected me with so many women who truly understood the emotions that come with IVF in a way that others sometimes can’t.

I also tried to let myself feel everything as it came instead of pretending to be positive all the time. Some days I felt hopeful, some days I felt angry or heartbroken, and I learned that both can exist at the same time. Looking back now, I think surviving IVF really taught me how resilient I was, even during the moments I felt completely overwhelmed.

Male factor infertility is something that often isn’t talked about openly. What has it been like navigating that part of your story together as a couple?

Male factor infertility is something I honestly didn’t know much about before we went through it ourselves, and truthfully, I still feel like I’m learning about it. We worked closely with both our fertility doctor and a fertility urologist throughout the process, which helped us better understand our options and what our path forward could look like.

Infertility is such a strange and emotional experience because as heartbreaking as it is to receive a diagnosis, there can also be a sense of relief in finally having some answers and understanding why things weren’t happening the way you hoped. For us, it gave us direction and allowed us to move forward with a plan together.

One thing I was very mindful of throughout the process was making sure my husband never felt blamed or defined by our diagnosis. We approached everything as a team from the very beginning, every appointment, every setback, every decision. I think there can sometimes be a stigma or silence around male factor infertility, and that can make it especially isolating for men.

At the same time, walking through this together honestly made us stronger. IVF pushed us to communicate more openly, support each other in different ways, and really learn how to carry hard moments together. I’m incredibly proud of how my husband showed up through all of it, and I think going through infertility gave us an even deeper appreciation for this pregnancy and the family we’re building.

How has this pregnancy felt emotionally different knowing everything that came before it?

This pregnancy has felt incredibly joyful, but also emotionally layered in a way I don’t think I fully expected. After loss and infertility, it can be hard to completely let go of the fear that something could go wrong, especially in the early stages. I was surprised by how much emotional weight each milestone carried for me.

I kept thinking, “once I see a positive pregnancy test, I’ll finally feel relieved.” Then it became, “once I get good beta numbers… once I hear the heartbeat… once I make it out of the first trimester… once we get through the anatomy scan.” I think infertility can condition you to constantly worry about the next step, because you’ve experienced firsthand how quickly things can change.

I had to keep reminding myself that those feelings were normal, and that it was okay to feel both grateful and cautious at the same time. I really tried to let myself experience joy while also giving myself grace through the anxiety that can come with pregnancy after loss.

At the same time, there’s been so much gratitude and excitement in every milestone. Feeling her kick, setting up her nursery, buying baby clothes, and overall just preparing for her arrival have all felt incredibly emotional and meaningful to us because we know what it took to get here!

Have there been any small rituals or mindsets that have helped ground you throughout IVF and pregnancy after loss?

One thing that really helped ground me throughout IVF and pregnancy after loss was focusing on what I could control, even in really small ways. So much of infertility can leave you feeling powerless, and I realized that sometimes the little things mattered more than I expected. Whether it was buying the “IVF tackle box” to organize all of my medications or getting the cute ice packs for injections, those things weren’t necessities, but they made me feel like I still had ownership over some part of the process. They gave me small moments where I got to make choices and feel a sense of control during a time that often felt very out of my hands.

I also went to therapy throughout this journey, which helped me tremendously. Having a safe space to process the grief, anxiety, hope, and uncertainty that comes with infertility and pregnancy after loss made such a difference for me emotionally.

Beyond that, I found a lot of comfort in the quieter everyday things like going on walks with my dogs, spending time near the beach, preparing little things for our daughter, and trying to stay present instead of constantly worrying about the next milestone or appointment. I learned that grounding yourself doesn’t always have to look profound. Sometimes it’s just finding small moments of peace while moving through uncertainty.

What’s been the sweetest or most surreal moment of this pregnancy so far?

One of the sweetest and most surreal parts of this pregnancy has been finally getting to share the news with the people we love. We had such an incredible village cheering us on throughout infertility and IVF, so being able to celebrate this pregnancy with the same people who sat with us through the heartbreak, waiting, and uncertainty has meant everything to us!

Another part that still feels surreal is preparing her nursery and seeing her name on tiny blankets, sweaters, and baby clothes. We live near a statue of a woman named Penelope, and for years my husband and I have walked by it dreaming of having a daughter named Penelope. Now that little girl is almost here and we can’t wait until our little “lucky Penny” is here on those walks with us too!

Anything you’re especially excited to experience once your daughter arrives?

I’m also so excited to experience motherhood alongside some of my closest friends. My three best friends have all recently welcomed their first babies, and it feels really special that we’re all entering this chapter of life together around the same time.

I already know there will be so many neighborhood walks, beach days, playdates, and moments during maternity leave that I’ll cherish forever. After spending so long wondering if we would ever get here, getting to picture our daughter growing up surrounded by so much love and friendship feels incredibly sweet and full circle!

What has surprised you most about yourself through all of this?

One thing that surprised me most about myself through all of this was how unprepared I sometimes felt, even as a nurse. I work in an adult ICU, so I’m very comfortable in the medical world, but infertility, IVF, and pregnancy introduced me to a completely different side of medicine that I knew very little about before experiencing it firsthand.

My husband and I still laugh thinking about me doing my IVF injections for the first time. You would have thought I had never given a shot in my life with how nervous I was. It was such a humbling reminder that being the patient, or the person emotionally attached to the outcome, feels completely different than being the healthcare provider.

I think the whole experience gave me an even deeper level of empathy, both as a nurse and as a person. It reminded me how vulnerable it can feel to navigate uncertainty, put your trust in others, and move through something that carries so much emotional weight.

What do you wish more people understood about infertility, IVF, or pregnancy after loss?

I wish more people understood that infertility and IVF are so much more emotionally complex than most people realize. There’s so much waiting, uncertainty, grief, hope, and mental exhaustion wrapped into the process, and many people are carrying that silently while still showing up for everyday life.

I also think learning how to support someone going through infertility is incredibly important. Most comments usually come from a good place, but even well-meaning advice like “have you tried this?” or “I know someone who got pregnant after doing this one thing” can sometimes feel really painful. The truth is, people going through infertility have usually researched everything, tried countless things, and are already carrying the emotional weight of feeling like their body is failing them in some way.

What helped me most was not advice, but simply having people show up with compassion. The friends and family who checked in, listened without trying to fix things, remembered important appointments, or simply said “I’m here for you” made a much bigger impact than they probably realized.

What would you say to another woman who is currently in the thick of infertility, loss, or IVF and feeling overwhelmed by the process?

I would remind her that she isn’t alone, even when it feels incredibly isolating. This process can be exhausting emotionally, physically, and mentally, and it’s okay to grieve, feel overwhelmed, or not have a positive outlook every single day.

I’d also remind her that infertility is not a reflection of her worth or the kind of mother she may someday become. Take things one step at a time, lean on the people who make you feel supported, and protect your peace however you need to through the process. There is so much strength in simply continuing to show up, even on the hard days.

Rapid-fire q’s!

Favorite way to unwind lately: Movies! I was never a huge movie watcher, but ever since starting maternity leave I have been watching 3-4 a week.

Current nesting obsession: Buying baby clothes! I’ve become obsessed with shopping local and secondhand baby shops.

A song that reminds you of this season: “My Girl” by The Temptations! Ever since finding out we were having a little girl, it hits differently now. It’s also the song we used for our gender announcement on social media, so I know it’ll always hold a really special place in our hearts.

Best impulse purchase lately: Anything with her name on it! I truly cannot stop buying personalized baby items, blankets, sweaters, little signs, you name it! 

Most meaningful piece of advice you received during infertility/IVF: “One day you’ll be looking at your baby and this process will feel like a distant memory.” At the time it felt impossible to imagine, but now getting closer to meeting our daughter, I finally understand what they meant!

Something making you feel excited for motherhood right now: Watching some of my closest friends enter motherhood recently. Seeing them experience this chapter has made me even more excited, and I can’t wait to do it all alongside them!

Current phone camera roll is mostly: Videos of baby girl kicking and rolling around in my stomach! I could watch it all day.

Favorite way to romanticize an ordinary day: Researching and intentionally picking out baby items for her! I’ve loved slowing down and taking the time to imagine her using all the little things we choose for her.

One thing that instantly lifts your mood: Reaching a new week in pregnancy! Every week my husband reads the “What to Expect” book to me and tells me all about how baby girl is growing and what’s happening that week. It’s become one of my favorite little tradition