For so many of us, the conversation around motherhood centers on the baby—milestones, sleep schedules, feeding routines—while the inner world of the mother often goes unspoken. And yet, the postpartum season can be one of the most tender, disorienting, and transformative times in a woman’s life. It’s a season marked not only by new life, but by identity shifts, emotional highs and lows, and an often overlooked need to be cared for, too.

In honor of Maternal Mental Health Month this May, we’re turning our attention to what it really looks like to support mothers—not just in theory, but in practice. For Kelsey Jarvis-Thornton, a postpartum doula and perinatal mental health specialist, this work is deeply personal. As a mother of three, she’s experienced firsthand the complexity of postpartum—from joy and empowerment to grief, anxiety, and everything in between.

Here, Kelsey shares her story, her perspective on maternal mental health, and the ways she’s redefining what care can look like for mothers.

Let’s start with a quick introduction. Tell us a little bit about you.

My name is Kelsey Jarvis-Thornton! I’m a 30-year-old wife and mother of three living in Waco, Texas. I attended the University of North Texas, where I earned my Bachelor of Social Work and worked in the field full-time for a few years. I later obtained my teaching certificate for grades 4–8 and taught for three years.

Everything shifted after the birth of my second baby, Ivy, who changed the trajectory of my motherhood and introduced me to a slower, more intentional way of living. I’ve experienced three very different types of births—one in a hospital, one breech out of hospital, and one water birth.

The three things I talk about most are motherhood, postpartum, and grief. I’ve lost both of my parents and grandparents, and I’ve been navigating life and motherhood with both resilience and tenderness—walking a tightrope between joy and sadness, but grounded in an overall gratitude for the Lord’s goodness.

You’re in such a full season right now—mothering three and supporting other moms in your work. What does a typical day look like for you these days?

A typical day for me looks like my oldest waking the house up with joy to start the day. We never skip breakfast and coffee so immediately jump in for eggs, chicken sausage, fruit, and a cup of joe. If it’s an off day from school, we’ll sit outside and play for a bit or plan a morning at the local steam/park center. Somewhere in there I’m checking my socials or emails to see if there’s any birth, postpartum, or brand inquiries. I’m still breastfeeding my one-year-old, so I’ve got him on one side while making pb&j’s and apples for lunch. Multitasking queen!  My husband’s home but in and out of meetings as we’re working to open a new retail space here in Waco. So we just find things to keep us entertained until dinner time. It’s funny, I never imagined being a stay at home mom. I was always “busy” but now I can’t see it any other way. I’m so intentional about what we spend our energy on because we truly will never get these moments back with our babies and time has already moved so fast!

You’re a postpartum doula and perinatal mental health specialist. For those who may not be familiar, can you share what that work looks like and what drew you to it?

My second child, Ivy, came into the world breech and wanting things her own way. She refused a bottle, pacifier, swaddles, bouncers, all the things that feel “helpful” and just forced me to learn her while learning myself. But that also took me to a desolate place. I was also grieving the death of my dad and just felt so sad and lonely. A couple months in, this midwifery page popped up with a postpartum course saying “mothering the mother” and it spoke to me. Everyone always asks about and visits the baby, but who is holding the mother?

My work is a blend of emotional, physical, and practical support. That can look like helping a mother process her birth experience, creating space for her to be held and heard, supporting feeding (whether that’s breastfeeding or bottle feeding), nourishing her body with warm, healing foods, or simply tending to her home so she can rest and bond with her baby.

A big part of what I do is also supporting the nervous system. So many women move through postpartum feeling overstimulated, unseen, or unsure—and I help bring them back to a place of safety, confidence, and connection. As a perinatal mental health specialist, I’m always gently aware of the emotional landscape too, helping mothers navigate anxiety, grief, identity shifts, or postpartum mood disorders with compassion and without judgment.

What drew me to this work is a deep belief that mothers deserve to be mothered too. We’ve lost so much of that village support, and I feel called to help rebuild it—in a way that feels intentional, nurturing, and rooted in honoring the whole woman, not just the baby.

Maternal mental health is something you’re so passionate about (us too). What are some of the most common struggles you see mothers navigating in the postpartum period?

One of the most common things I see is just how unprepared many mothers feel for the emotional side of postpartum. It is so hard to mother in today’s society. In the middle of the night when you’re up exhausted with your baby, you get online and there’s just so much information and other mothers seemingly doing better than you. Doubt and anxiety start to creep in and take over. Our mothers are lacking proper and adequate rest, as well as a poor diet which are huge factors in postpartum mental health. We also don’t live in community with our mothers, aunts, and grandmothers anymore. We talk a lot about birth and baby, but not nearly enough about what happens within the mother.

There’s often a deep identity shift—women asking, “Who am I now?” while also trying to care for a newborn around the clock. That alone can feel disorienting. Alongside that, I see a lot of nervous system overwhelm—constant stimulation, lack of sleep, and very little time to truly rest or be cared for.

Anxiety is incredibly common, even for mothers who didn’t experience it before. It can show up as racing thoughts, intrusive worries about the baby, or feeling like they can’t ever fully relax. I also see grief come up more than people expect—grief around how the birth went, loss of independence, changes in relationships, or even just mourning the version of themselves they used to be.

And underneath so much of it is a sense of isolation. Many mothers feel like they’re supposed to “handle it” or that something is wrong with them for struggling, when in reality, they’re moving through a massive life transition without the level of support they truly need.

A big part of my work is normalizing these experiences while also making sure mothers feel seen, supported, and not alone in what they’re carrying.

You’ve had three very different birth experiences—can you share a bit about each of them, and what each one taught you?

I always knew I wanted to birth with a midwife so that was my plan the first go around—I was hesitant on the all natural route but my plan was to go in with that as a goal and then see how it went. At my 40 week appointment I was diagnosed with hypertension and scheduled for an induction. My doctor was in Fort Worth and I had just moved to Waco a few months prior so all of my stuff was still there. My husband drove all the way back home to get everything that first night. First-time parents!

I wasn’t progressing quickly so I had the foley balloon TWICE—whew if you’ve been there you know how rough that is. Finally a few hours after my second one my water broke and things started to move quicker. I opted for an epidural and had him two hours later. I stayed in the hospital for five days total for monitoring of my blood pressure and I just remember feeling so utterly exhausted on the way back home. I had no meals prepped, no electrolytes, nothing warm, just totally naive to what was ahead of me. After my first, I knew I wanted an out of hospital birth moving forward.

My second birth my baby presented breech at 20 weeks and she never flipped back. This led me deep into the natural birth world even more so than before. Just researching about breech births, listening to Dr. Stu’s podcast “birthing instincts,” watching birth documentaries and actual out of hospital births all equipped my mind for birth. I started to get so passionate about maternal health and the disparities women of color face in the hospital setting. I felt a calling to not blatantly advocate for out of hospital births but more so to get as informed as you can to make clear decisions for you, your body, and your baby. Us women were designed to give birth and many many moons ago our ancestors were birthing outside or in their homes with midwives, we’ve just lost so much of that power and instinct. Okay back to birth, I calmly but fiercely breathed my breech baby girl out standing on the side of a bed. Her booty came out first, then her feet flopped down, and then came the rest of her. It was the most incredible feeling!!!! I was like dang I can do anything!!

My third birth I decided to have a home birth. He was presenting normal and I stayed with the same midwife as before so I felt really confident in doing at home. He decided to come on my birthday so all day I was some weird state of denial that I was actually having a baby on my birthday. I got in the birth tub and ended up pushing him out silently and grabbing him from the waters. His labor was intense and a stronger mental game than the ones before. I’m not even sure why but I spent all day just releasing so many emotions. I was crying and worshipping, my two older babies were there with me, and everything felt surreal until he was here. There’s no better feeling than pushing out your baby and then eating a warm meal in your own bed directly after. Each of these births have reminded me of my power as a woman and the importance of feeling safe in your body and birth environment.

Across your pregnancies and births, what has learning to trust your body looked like?

One thing that I’ve learned is that everything isn’t an emergency and we are simply not in control. When my daughter was breech, I did all the things to try to flip her and finally my midwife goes, “let’s just do nothing but try to relax and enjoy the last few moments of being pregnant.” Maybe there was a reason she wanted to stay breech. I’ll never know but my body did exactly what it was supposed to to get her out. I also went 40+ weeks with all 3 of my pregnancies but I believe babies come when they’re supposed to! When our bodies are ready and the time is right, it will happen.

With three different postpartum seasons under your belt, what has helped you feel most supported and cared for after birth? Has that support looked different over time?

Okay huge postpartum hack is the 5-5-5 rule: 5 days in the bed, 5 days on the bed, 5 days around the bed. This rule is just emphasizing the need and importance of rest and recovery for the mothers. There’s no rush to get back to anything, this time is for healing and bonding!  This rule also helps set boundaries with unwanted visitors. This 3rd postpartum season was the best because I implemented Ayurvedic postpartum teachings and consumed only warm and digestible foods and drinks and did the 5-5-5 rule. This was the most intentional I’ve been with prepping for the postpartum and it definitely showed.

My aunt picked up my big kids for the first 5 days and that was a huge help too with resting and bonding but I know that’s not ideal for every family unit.

Are there any shifts in the way society is approaching postpartum that you’re really loving right now? Any you’d gently steer moms away from?

Maybe it’s just my algorithm, but I do feel like we’re starting to talk more about the fourth trimester. Women are being transparent with the messy homes and real life scenarios instead of painting motherhood to be this whimsical, always clean, fairytale. 

When it comes to birth, we are transformed each and every time. I always say, there is no bouncing back, only moving forward. So mama, don’t rush to get back to the old you, this new season is demanding a new you and it will be wonderful!

What are some things you’re focused on as a family in this season?

Faith and quality time. Places and activities that feel good and organic to us. We want to start a garden that our kids can be involved in. We plan to homeschool our soon to be kindergartener. Just living a life of intention and enjoying being all together while we can.

Rapid-fire q’s!

A small ritual or habit that’s grounding you right now: Warm cup of tea in my favorite mug at night and touching grass every morning

A resource you always recommend to new moms: These two books: Mothering From Your Center by Tami Lynn Kent and The Fourth Trimester by Kimberly Ann Johnson 

Favorite way to unwind after a long day: A cup of warm tea and honey. My favorite is a blend I make with nettle, chamomile, oat straw, red raspberry leaf, and lemon balm. Straight zen!

One thing always in your diaper bag: Snacks!!!!

Go-to easy outfit: Tank and linen pants or my favorite pair of jeans.

Something you’re saying “no” to lately: My kids…all day long!! Kidding. I would say outings or events that don’t feel life giving. I've gotta protect my peace and creative energy as much as possible!

Something you’re saying “yes” to: An afternoon iced latte

Best piece of birth or postpartum advice you’ve received: When I was 41 weeks pregnant, the weariness and anxiety was kicking in so I messaged my midwife and she replied saying “Try to calm your mind and find peace knowing this is the safest you’ll ever be able to keep your baby, so hold onto this moment and trust he’ll come when he’s ready.” And that really did help shift my mindset in those last few days.

Also, seek counsel from wise and spiritual women—not social media!

A small luxury you swear by: Under eye patches

Your current comfort meal or treat: A glazed donut!