Jayme McNeill became a NICU mama when her son Jennings was born at 32 weeks, so she knows firsthand how isolating and scary it can be. Her advice to families just beginning their NICU journeys? Talk about what you’re going through. Here, she opens up about what she went through with the hope that it might help other NICU families feel less alone.
It wasn’t easy being separated from my newborn, but understanding that he was receiving the specialized care that he needed helped me throughout his stay.
For weeks, I was telling my husband and family that he was coming early. I felt it. I was a high-risk pregnancy from week 7 due to my gestational hypertension, and I knew my blood pressure was gradually getting higher. But I didn’t know that I would end up being admitted to the hospital and give birth at 32 weeks.
As I laid on the surgery table, the only thing I could do was turn my head to catch the smallest glimpse of my baby, who had a head full of hair and was already swaddled up and inside of the incubator. Jennings was born at 6:30 pm, weighing 3 lbs 13 oz and measuring 11.6 inches.
He was immediately wheeled to the NICU. By the time I was able to visit him for the first time, the nursing staff had already covered him in wires. He had a CPAP covering his nose, a feeding tube inserted into his mouth, an IV in his left hand, and wires on his chest to monitor his heart rate, lungs and oxygen levels. Because he was too small to regulate his own body temperature, he was inside an incubator.
I was in shock the first time I saw him. I thought to myself, “How could all of those wires and cords be strapped onto this little 3-pound baby?” Once the shock wore off, I was incredibly emotional. I was so happy to be a family of three, but also so scared for what the future held for him in the NICU.
After three days in the hospital, I was discharged and went home…without Jennings. That was a hard pill to swallow because nobody expects their postpartum experience to include leaving the hospital without their newborn.
With each day that went by, Jennings continued to grow, get stronger, and meet the milestones needed to be discharged. First, he was taken off IV fluids. Next, he was changed from a CPAP to nasal cannula. Eventually he was taken off oxygen completely. The feeding tube was moved from his mouth to his nose, and we began to introduce him to bottle-feeding.
After two weeks, I was able to drive myself to the hospital and started to spend longer stretches there. The mundane tasks of checking his temperature and changing a diaper became the highlights of my days. I also began to feel more comfortable manipulating all of the wires to hold him for skin-to-skin more frequently.
He began to eat more. He began to gain weight. And then he began to regulate his own body temperature. This was a huge milestone because this is when he graduated from the incubator to a big boy open crib.
After three and a half weeks, Jennings was discharged and we brought our baby boy home to meet his big fur sister Sawyer. As thankful as I was to leave the NICU and never have to scrub in again, I would be lying if I didn’t admit that I was nervous to leave the safety and security of it.
All in all, we were extremely lucky to have the NICU staff that we did. They were kind, generous and taught us a lot throughout Jennings’ stay. Combining this with the tremendous support of our friends and family, we had an overall very positive experience—as positive an experience you can have when your child is in the NICU.
Jayme’s Suggestions for How to Support a NICU Family
01. Offer a ride.
My mom was a huge blessing to me when Jennings was in the NICU. For the first two weeks post-surgery I wasn't supposed to drive, so she drove me to and from the hospital and then also hung out with me in his room for as long as I wanted to stay. I appreciated this because I wasn't there alone. I would go in the morning to the late afternoon and since my husband had to go back to work, he would visit Jennings after he got off of work in the evenings.
02. Send a gift card.
A group of my friends banded together and sent us a Doordash gift card. I don't live close to many of our family or friends, so this gesture was really sweet and practical. It came in handy when we needed food/coffee at the hospital and didn't have enough time to physically leave before Jennings' touch time or feeding.
03. Invite them to coffee.
Another thing I appreciated was one of my friends here in El Paso offering to pick me up and take me out one morning for a coffee date. During a time when I felt numb and just going through the motions, her reaching out and getting me out of the house was greatly appreciated.
