Motherhood has a way of bringing our inner voice to the surface.
On the good days, that voice might sound calm and confident. But on the hard ones—when the laundry is piling up, your toddler’s melting down, and you’re running on fumes—it can be an unrelenting critic.
“You’re failing.”
“You’re not enough.”
“You should be doing more.”
And whether you realize it or not, what that inner voice says matters a lot, because what you tell yourself literally changes your brain—and the way that you view yourself as a mom—for better or worse. That’s because of neuroplasticity.
You may have heard the term before—it’s become part of the cultural zeitgeist in recent years. Neuroplasticity is the brain’s ability to form new neural pathways based on what we repeatedly think, feel, and do. Simply put: the more we entertain a thought, the more automatic it becomes. That’s true for negative self-talk—but it’s also true for the kind, grounded, truth-telling stuff.
So what if, on the tough days, instead of spiraling into shame, we started speaking to ourselves with compassion? What if we interrupted the “I’m not cut out for this” narrative with gentle, grace-filled truths? Over time, those small shifts can literally rewire your brain—and reshape your motherhood experience.
These five mantras won’t solve everything, but they can give you something better to hold onto when motherhood inevitably throws hard days your way.
Five mantras that will rewire your brain for motherhood
These won’t fix everything. But they can help reframe the moment, soften the spiral, and remind you of the truth—especially on the days when your inner voice is loud and unkind.
1. My presence matters more than my performance.
There will be days when you can give 100%. You’ll have energy to plan a full day of adventures, cut the fruit into fun shapes, and say yes to a playdate. And there will be other days when you can give 40%. When all you’ve got energy for is mac ‘n cheese for dinner and cuddling on the couch while watching Ms. Rachel. All that matters is that you’re there, with them, showing up with whatever you have to give for that day. Neither one earns you more or less love from your child.
2. Rest isn’t a reward.
When there are mountains of laundry to fold and endless bottles to wash and inboxes to empty, it can feel like rest is a luxury to look forward to in a different season—perhaps when the kids are in school, or maybe out of the house and married. But it’s not. It’s essential. And when you make space for it, you might just find that your capacity as a mom actually increases instead of diminishing.
3. Imperfection is the rule, not the exception.
Being human is really, really hard, and we’re all learning as we go. Most days will include some kind of mishap, meltdown, or mistake—especially when little ones are involved! So expect imperfection, and let yourself experience the grace that comes with it. It’s not pessimism. It’s setting realistic expectations for yourself and your kids.
4. Comparison kills.
It’s tempting to see snippets of other mom’s lives and feel like they’ve figured out some magic formula that you haven’t—clean house, smiling baby, full face of makeup by 9 am, and balancing work and motherhood with ease. But more often than not, what we see of others’ lives is a highlight reel, not the whole story. Comparison is a breeder of death—it kills joy, contentedness, confidence, and so much more. Instead of looking at others and wishing you were more like them (or your kids were more like theirs), try to replace those thoughts of comparison with gratitude. For example, when you’re tempted to compare your postpartum body to another mom’s, be intentional about redirecting your thoughts to something you’re grateful for, or proud of—I am so thankful for my body growing and carrying my baby.
5. There’s room for all of it.
Motherhood comes with a lot of feelings, and it can be tempting to try to fit them into a neat, Instagram-worthy caption. But your experience doesn’t have a character limit, and it doesn’t need to be tidy. There’s room for both/and—loving being a mom and wanting a break. Being thankful that you’re able to breastfeed and excited to be done with it. You’re a human being with complex experiences and emotions, and there’s space and grace for the full spectrum of them.
