Solly Journal No. 11: Wholeness
Wholeness: To be complete in oneself. The state of forming a complete and harmonious whole; unity.
From the moment we find out we’re going to be parents we begin chipping away little pieces of ourselves. The world no longer revolves around our own individual sun as we make space for new beginnings—not only in our hearts, but in our entire selves. It’s easy to feel like we’re beholden to the wants and needs of everyone else around us without reserving enough for ourselves.
Wholeness is a complex and personal issue because it involves all of what makes us human—mind, body, soul, emotions, and relationships. All of the experiences that have shaped us. Wholeness is everything that is contained within us, from past, present, and future, which is not dependent upon our circumstances. Wholeness implies holding yourself exactly as you are.
Being patient and attuning to our needs in the present moment is how we dance between effort (keeping daily promises to self) and surrender (allowing our emotions to guide us). This dance gives birth to insight and healing.
Two halves don’t make a whole. So if you are looking for someone to complete things in you that you want, you desire, then you’ll always be wanting. Because, candidly, it's putting too much pressure on that person, whoever that person may be (partner, baby, etc.). So you have to make sure that you have found things that you create, that you cultivate from within yourself that fill your own cup—so that you have a full cup to bring to the relationships in your life.
When we become parents we move into a wholly different space, and it changes us; it reshapes every element of our being. Motherhood infiltrates every fiber of our being. It's the most all-encompassing experience we will ever have. We become different people, but that doesn’t mean we can’t be whole.
Wholeness is not a place where there is no pain or hard work. It means to be in the midst of all of life’s challenges and still remember that you are complete. The best part is: we do not have to be "perfect" to be whole. You are a whole person—not an “I-could-have-been-near-perfect person had I taken different paths in my life" person. And it’s in this radical, authentic, soul-aligned way of living that we find we can belong everywhere we go because we belong to and with ourselves.
“It was when I stopped searching for home within others / and lifted the foundations of home within myself / I found there were no roots more intimate / than those between a mind and body / that have decided to be whole.” – Rupi Kaur
Ask yourself the question: What speaks wholeness to me? Then, write down every single area of life or thing that helps you to feel fulfilled. Use bullet points if you like.